Darkness of Night

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

The devils in the dreaming...
here i sit and there you lay. Right across the room from me. Asleep. What you don't realize while you sleep is that you are what is keeping me awake. You make me think of bad decisions and choices that would of made things much different has I made them. You remind me how homesick I am for my "home." You remind me of times past that I laughed harder than I thought I could ever laugh. You remind me of the mistakes of my youth and how they've made me who I am. You remind me how important my friendships are and how you brought me back to one that I missed so very badly. You remind me of the beauty of innocence and the pain of excuses. You remind me that I am past certain things in my life and that I got past them for a reason. You remind me of the beauty of lust and how it can overtake your mind and your body in ways that make you forget everything else in life that hurts so very badly.

In the reminder of all of these things, you also remind me that there are things that always need to be considered when entering into what might seem to be a new relationship. You have made me remember why I hold people at an arms length. The reason for that is so that I don't feel the hurt that flows thru my body and soul right now. You have reminded me that people are not to be trusted and can somehow always pull the wool over your eyes in ways that you never expected. People can fool you in ways that you never expected them to. Ones that you share passion and a oneness with can be the ones that hurt you deep to the core of your being. Because they are the only ones that really mean anything in life to you. They are the ones that you let the guard down for mistakenly. You see something in their eyes that reminds you of a glimmer that you once had but that does not mean they are to be trusted with your heart.

Keep fooling yourself into thinking that this is the way to go thru life. Someday you will be stopped dead in your tracks and you will be reminded of all the things that I have this evening in my whiskey wasted mind. Those things will course through your body and maybe you will stop just moving along as I have. You will remember the beauty but you will also feel the pain. And you will be changed like I am. Changed into remembering that people are only as good as you believe them to be and will only get away with what you let them. Well- I let you. And it wasn’t my finest moment.